Pregnancy Body Image Roller Coaster

I am just a handful of days away from my due date with baby number 1 and have decided that now is the time to blog about body image. Perfect timing, you see. I hopped on the scale this morning and an audible gasp came out of my mouth: is there a baby inside of me or a grizzly bear? The muscle definition in my upper body that I worked so hard to get after years of Crossfit has slowly melted away and last night while on my evening neighborhood walk, I had to pause to catch my breath. I swear my dog cast me a sideways glance that said what’s happened to you? You’ve really let yourself go.

I have a lot to say about body image. In fact, it might be one of my favorite topics to chat about over coffee. And I promise for the sake of your eyes glazing over, that this blog post will certainly not begin to scratch the surface of everything I have to say about dealing with body image in “today’s society.” We live in a world where every magazine cover promises a way to help you lose 10 lbs in 6 days, Pinterest fitspiration boards, and eight million Instagram selfies with the appropriate accompanying hashtags. It's exhausting. 

The pregnancy journey has certainly given me a new perspective on body image. My outlook has always been derived by finding pride and acceptance in my body by focusing on what my body can achieve rather than what my body looks like. This is one of the huge reasons that I love endurance racing so much. These legs have carried me through a 140.6 mile triathlon, several marathons, and a 50k in the Vermont mountains. I can back squat 200lbs and be a heck of a helper when it comes to moving furniture. It is because of these reasons that when I look in the mirror, I choose to not only accept, but genuinely like what I see. My body is such a gift and has provided me with so many opportunities that have left me with amazing memories, accomplishments, some battle scars, and stories to tell the future grandkiddos.

But when you’re pregnant, you can’t train for Ironmans or marathons. Or spend your Saturday mornings knocking away some serious miles on the trails laughing with your girlfriends. As the pregnancy progressed, I traded my running for walking and last month, I put my CrossFit membership on hold and replaced it with 8lb dumbbell and ketllebell workouts in my living room. And while I have made it a priority to have a healthy and fit pregnancy, these workouts don’t exactly leave you with the same feeling of self satisfaction that comes from a good sweat fest.

Left: Pregnancy body image roller coaster.
Right: Feeling pretty sparkly on the shores of Lake Huron.

But if pregnancy has taught me anything, it is that everything is just temporary. One day I feel like a giant inflated grape and the next day I'm proudly sporting a bathing suit on the beach at 38 weeks pregnant. The worries, pains, or fears that I have one day can easily evaporate the next. I’ve realized over these past what feels like 46 months few months how important it is to be able to find a new normal on almost a daily basis. 

And that is the mindset that I am going to take into this next chapter of my life as I have a new role, a new baby, and a new body. I am going to take a deep breath and remind myself that everything is just temporary and before I know it, I will find a new normal!